Finally being with my firstborn after nearly 25 years of separation was surreal. Thoughts of him consumed my every waking moment. I had the photos that we took our first day together and I studied them intently, going over every feature of his face. Just staring at him in amazement. I looked at the faces of all of my children in those photos. All smiles as they sat side by side. For the first time ever. 

On Monday we emailed each other and made plans to get together again the very next weekend. A couple days later I had this crazy idea about inviting him to stay overnight. Our relationship was so new but I could not deny my desire or resist the longing to have more time with my son. I emailed him about my idea, no pressure, only if he was comfortable with it. I tried to prepare myself for a no. To my surprise and delight he accepted the invitation.

We made arrangements for him and my daughter who was away at university to meet up and bus home together on Friday night. My youngest daughter and I drove out to the bus station to pick them up. We were there waiting about 20 minutes before their arrival. I did not want to be late! My older daughter quipped how surprised she was to see me there waiting as I was usually late to pick her up. We laughed, then we all hugged, then hopped into the vehicle and headed home. There was lots of enthusiastic chatter during the drive, we were so comfortable together. Naturally. 

At home I had the dining room table already set with an assortment of appetizers and snacks. I had taken the day off work to prepare. My older daughter quipped again how surprised she was to see the table set and full of food. In jest she commented that she needed to bring her older brother home more often because normally, when she arrived home for the weekend, she was told to look in the fridge herself for something to eat. 

Our evening together was wonderful. We stayed up late talking, laughing and playing games. I still remember how happy I was that night when I finally crawled into bed. I was still beaming with joy thinking about how special and unreal it was to have all four of my children sleeping under the same roof. 

We hung out for a good part of the next day before driving our oldest son to the train station to catch a ride back to his place. We all piled into our minivan and drove to the train station, then we all got out and went inside. We confirmed the train schedule and then stood around and waited. My son said that we didn’t have to wait with him, but no one moved. None of us wanted to leave. So we all stood there, in a circle, my family of six, all looking at each other with smiles on our faces. We remained there as long as we could before the train departure, then we hugged and said our goodbyes. I hugged him tightly. I didn’t want to let go. Ever.

Back at the house I was in the kitchen with my younger son. He asked me if I thought his older brother was as happy to be with us as we were to be with him. I said that I was sure he was, I could see his excitement as well. A big smile spread across his face and he said, “Okay, good”.

Fortunately, that sleepover was the first of many, and my son’s girlfriend (now wife) often came with him. She was welcomed into the family immediately! A short time later my oldest daughter decided that her older brother should have his own room when he came home on the weekends. She suggested her and her younger sister share a bedroom, as she was away at university most of the time anyway. I loved the idea and we made it happen.

In November of that same year, we decided to have a surprise party for my youngest daughter’s 16^th birthday. After the party when the guests had all gone, my gang decided they wanted to sleep together in one room. They eagerly hauled the mattresses from their beds and placed them on the family room floor side by side after moving the furniture around. I marveled at the whimsy of this beautiful child-like fun I observed. And yet it was hard as I thought about all the birthday parties and sleepovers they missed out on by not growing up together. 

This was as beautiful as hard could get.